So our track work out on Tuesday was pretty intense…2 mile repeats with sprints on the straight away and recovery jogs on the curve.  We did that for an hour…I was dead by the end of the whole thing but I felt so good. 

I wish that I could always remember that feeling…you know how good you feel both mentally and physically, right after a run.  If I could only bottle it up or can that feeling, things would be so much easier.  Then,  errytime I’m sitting on the couch watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo or some other mind numbing TLC program I can spray a little to entice me to get off the couch and go running.  It’s such a vicious cycle for me …I sit on the couch saying how tired I am and that I have no energy to go running, then I feel terrible and guilty for not going then, the next thing you know I’m eating or drinking something I shouldn’t…and then the downward cycle begins.   I have such difficulty with self motivation which is kinda weird cuz most runners don’t…in fact, I get the feeling pretty often that most runners don’t go through that cycle at all.  I listen to the folks in my running group talk and seriously, I don’t think they think of anything other than running.  All conversations revolve around next races and split times and cross training and PRs.  I feel so out of the loop.  I’m always in the background shaking my head like I’m agreeing with their comments when in my mind I’m thinking…good gawd really????  Like we’re not training for the Olympics here, right?  Can we dial this back a bit?

 I run for mental relief and physical well being.  I don’t want this to be a second job.   I stress out so much about deadlines and performance with my job I don’t want to come to the track and feel like I need to be competing here too.  But, I guess that’s just the nature of the kind of people who are runners.   So if that’s the case, does that mean I shouldn’t consider myself a runner?  Hmmm, who knows? 

Bottom-line; Yes, I would like to be faster..yes, I want to run longer….but I also want a  balance.  I don’t want running to become such a chore that it’s no longer fun for me and the stress outweighs that feeling I was talking about earlier.  I wish there was a group that I could join where there are like minded people who like to run for the recreational aspect of it.  It just seem that the majority of the runners I come across fall into the militant category who use running as yet another thing in their lives by which can demonstrate their alpha capabilities.  At the end of the day, I can consider myself a runner because that’s what I want to do.  I might not measure up to majority of the folks who have embraced the sport but in my heart of hearts I love to do it and that’s all that really matters to me.   I have been running for over 20 years and I know that I will NEVER run a 6 minute mile or less but that’s okay.