Dear White People (or should I say Queridos Gringos/Gabachos), Let me begin by saying it is completely natural that you would find yourself attracted to The Day of The Dead. This indigenous holiday…
Hello there my little woodpeckers!
I say that cuz when I was on my run yesterday I straight up saw a woodpecker …I was trying to be all stealth and pull out my camera so I could snap a shot of him …but alas…he flew away before I could draw…but here is exactly what he looked like
I did get a couple of pics of the pond I run around and the trail I run on when I’m at home…(in Burke…ewwwwww).
The pics are pretty …so at least there was some saving grace of that horrible run. I thought Saturday’s run was bad until I tried to venture out yesterday….GHAH!!! I set out to do 3 but my legs were so tired and I was feeling so weak that I was only able to run two…like I said on Saturday…I know getting back is always hard…and I need to just stick with it cuz eventually I’ll be back in full effect…just sucks getting to that point again….meh.
Well, until next time …keep on keep’n on.
Had the worst run today…I so so so hate getting back to running. I was extremely tired and so did not want to go…and it was unusually cold here in DC, in fact, it was snowing this morning…
BUT, I finished!!! I squeezed out 3 miles. Terrible time and painful as hell but so happy I did it. I know soon, this is all be so much easier.
Hey there my little chickadees!
Long time since our last encounter….right?
Yeah, those last couple of blog entries were kinda getting off point, and for that, I apologize. I was not myself for the better part of last year…hopefully, I’ve left all that nonsense behind me and can start being Lynda normal again…like this is a blog about running…well, you know..sorta but I think you get what I’m try’n to lay down here…
For the most part, after the Army 10 Miler last year, my running went to shit…as it always does after a race but this time I did sorta had an excuse…on my birthday, I cracked a rib while I was drunk ice skating with my kids (adult kids for all you haters want’n to hate) and that was enough for me to call it quits on the running gig for the winter…
Well, it’s not winter anymore… and, after gaining 10lbs since last November, it’s time to get run’n again…UGH!!!! I always hate start’n over…it’s the worst…your body just goes into extreme revolt!! My lungs are all like “um…what the fuck, man??” “this injustice will not stand!!!” But like…I know I gotta go through it so it’s time to just suck it up and get back out there.
As many of you all know…(I know , there are not many that read this blog but I try to pretend), I’m not very good with the whole self-motivation thing. Like, the few times I have finished a marathon it’s been based on the fact that I was raising money for charity and after people started actually giving toward the cause I was supporting…well then, I felt obligated to run the damn thing…other than that, I would have NEVER finished…..cuz to be honest…I’m a lazy fuck most of the time. But, I’m trying like hell to dig deep down and find some self-motivation to push myself into running Richmond this year. I told myself, “self, when you turn 50 you’re gonna do one more marathon (my last one) within your 50th year.” It looks like Richmond is, I think, the last one I can finish before my 51st birthday…I mean like other than New York, but let’s not kid ourselves here…I’d NEVER qualify for NY. So Richmond it is. I signed up yesterday and made my hotel reservations so I’ve eliminated at least two reasons I could use to say I couldn’t run it this year.
After getting all the admin stuff out of the way, I was feeling pretty motivated to run last night…I wanted to do my normal Mall route but had some issues with my building pass so I just jumped in the car and headed down to Hains Point…Hains Point is always a good starter route for me because it’s soooo flat that even in my worst shape I can always squeeze out 3 mile…so, you know, that always helps with the motivation. If you’re from DC you know exactly what I’m talking about …but if you’re not here’s a photo showing how flat it is…(that’s me in the pic, btw).
It poured all day yesterday so the Potomac was pretty swollen..when that happens the sidewalk gets flooded out as you can see…
So, for most of the time I had to run on the road..which is no biggie cuz there are never any cars at night…all the tourist are tucked in their memory foam hotel beds safe and sound…
One of the coolest things about running on Hanes Point (truth be told there are very few cool things about running on Hains Point to which all past MCM runners can attest) is being able to look across the river and watch the planes take off and land at DCA. Check it out…looks like they are landing on the river itself…too cool!!!
But anyway…I did it…3 miles down and feeling good!!! My time was atrocious…35 mins.. but I was doing a run/walk ratio so….oh whatever, it was terrible and I know it…but I gotta start somewhere. Right? Let’s see how the next seven months go…
Till next time dolls…keep on keep’n on.
I did it! I ran last night. I wasn’t able to do 4 but I did do 3….and man oh man was it U-G-L-Y. I’ve been sick with an upper respiratory cold…for those of us afflicted with asthma, the added fun that comes with having a cold is most awesome….and to add to that …I’ve been smoking a lot lately (not recommended for asthmatics)…I don’t smoke all the time, just whenever I drink…but like lately, that’s been every day that ends in “y.” I’m a frigg’n mess!!
Theeeen, what’s even better….as a woman, who is on the eve of turning 50 and has had 4 kids, weeeelll, let’s just say the bladder control isn’t as it should be so…so, with the coughing, wheezing, and snot rocketing, I was an excretory vision….I went running into one of the bathrooms by the Lincoln Memorial and there were these old ladies in there (tourists no doubt)…whose whole evening was disrupted by this dripping monster slopping all over the bathroom stall trying to grab some toilet paper to wipe up the stream of mucus coming out of my nose….I’m so pretty….
But, like I said in the beginning…I did it. One step in the right direction, right? It was yet another beautiful night last night…this fall really has been idyllic….I’ve been fortunate to try to start training in a year where whether has not been an issue…it’s just been me…
Here are some pics that I took.
Till next time my little petunias….keep on keep’n on.
So yeah…it’s been 23 days and I’ve only run once…ugh!!! Not gonna get that marathon done this way, am i? Ever since Halloween, I’ve been in kind of a tail spin about life in general and like then, this past week, I got sick so…I’m slowly but surely getting back to the point where I can start running again. I hope I didn’t get set back too far. We shall see…tomorrow is a scheduled running day..i’m gonna need to squeeze out at least 4 so, we will see how that goes…I got new shoes to help me get motivated (and got suckered into inserts) but if anyone out there has any words of wisdom to help me get my happy ass back out and running again…I would love to hear whatever it is you’ve got to say!
Till tomorrow, keep on keep’n on.
Bottomline up front…I’m truly struggling with being strong, courageous and patient….not that any of those things were ever a strong suit for me (especially patience), but FUCK!!!! Major setback. I’m having a hard time believing in myself today and I feel a major shame spiral coming on…one that just might take a bottle of vodka or two to bring to an end. What sparked this spiral you might ask?…well, I’ll tell you…I gave into the daemons of fear and panic and anxiety and I texted the ex….after 12 days of no response to his last email to me, I broke down and sent him a f’n text. Worst part is….i had worked up several responses to his email in the days following; all of which I promptly saved to my draft folder knowing I should never and would never send…and what makes it even worse is those draft responses were FAR better than the shit I sent. Fuck me! What was I thinking? I tell you what I was thinking…I was thinking that I was scared and lonely and I wanted so badly to feel connected and cared for and loved…i was feeling overwhelmed with the idea that maybe there is something so inherently wrong with me that I will never find someone who will get me for who I am…who will love me for all that I am and more importantly, for all that I’m not…(oh gawd and yeah, I used that same turn of phase in my text to him…telling him that I wanted to learn to love him for all that he isn’t), I fucking did it…Geeze Louise…and the worst part is, I’m not entirely sure I meant anything in what I said to him….how crazy is that? I mean, in the moment I wrote it..and even in the moment I sent it, I think I meant it. I think there is a part of me that truly wants to learn to love and accept someone for who they are without judgement. I’ve never in my life loved anyone in that way…he was the closest I ever came and I think there is a part of me that believes that I could find that kind of love with him if he truly was the person he pretended to be for the first two years we were together…but damn, the past several months have proven the fact that he’s not. He’s a selfish scared little boy…so, I guess… rather than going down the shame spiral, I should look at this as a victory for me…cuz here’s the deal…for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be vulnerable to another person..so much so that I put my pride aside and allowed myself to be fully exposed in order to show someone love…and even though that love was not reciprocated…I was able to do it…I opened up…and now that I think about it, I don’t think it was an accident that the text I sent was one that demonstrated my desire and ability to do that…the text I sent was totally unlike the nasty responses that I crafted and saved to draft.
For the first time in my life, I dared greatly to be seen wholly as some who is vulnerable and in need of connection on a deep and personal level and though he’s not ready to accept and receive that from me…I think I’m getting closer to getting to that point..if not with him, then with someone who one day might be man enough to get and appreciate me for me for all that I am…..
Sorry if this had nothing to do with running…promise..I will start to focus more on that from now on….
Been feeling a little down today. I didn’t run last night and I’m procrastinating doing it now!
Quite frankly, this is normally one of the happiest times of the year for me. I love Halloween!!! I love everything about it!!!..ever since I was a kid, Halloween has brought me such great joy and as I grew into an adult, I’ve not only passed that love on to my kids, I have expanded my love for the “holiday” to span across three days, All Hollow’s Eve, All Saints Day and All Souls Day…more specifically, celebrating what is known in Latin cultures as Día de los Muertos (day of the day). I first learned about this tradition while I was visiting one of my best friends in Albuquerque, NM many many years ago. At first, my love for the day was more a draw to the macabre figurines that are used to celebrate the holiday.
As I learned more about the tradition, I realize it was a true celebration; a day of respect and honor for those who have passed on and for whom we still remember and love…yeah, the Aztec beginnings of this day have been bastardized and forced to meld with the catholic feast days (and just so you know…that’s said with levity out of sarcasm – hate that I have to explain that but I’m sure there will be someone offended by that statement if I don’t clarify) but the thing is…in the end, it’s a day set aside for us to remember the people who we love and miss so much since leaving this earth (and our lives)….for me, I feel so comforted by the idea of having a day devoted to remembering my Aunt Claire and what she meant to me when she was alive. I read somewhere that on this day, the planes between the worlds of the dead and the living collide and there is a potential to lure your loved ones back by creating alters dedicated to them and filling the alters with things that they loved while they were living…last year, I created an alter for my Aunt Claire…I made Brandy Alexanders and put out photos of her and decorated the alter with flowers and my “day of the dead” figurines….when I told my told my brother about it he said, “hey, if she comes back, ask her if we can have her meatball recipe.” He cracks me up…but the thing is, she truly touched everyone who knew her. She was our matriarch…she was the glue that held our entire extended family together….she was nothing short of amazing and I loved her with all my heart….and I loved making that alter for her…even if she wasn’t going to pay me a visit and reveal her meatball recipe to me, I loved spending the time that I did, making that alter to remember her.
In addition to having the alter dedicate to my Aunt Claire, the person I was dating at the time…the person who I loved so dearly, had shared space on the alter for his father who had just recently passed away….we joked about how if both he and my aunt came back and met each other how much they would have enjoyed each other’s company. I never got to meet his father before he passed away, but I was told about what a character he was….and if even half the stories I was told were true, my Aunt would have most certainly enjoined hanging out with him, having a cocktail or ten….(she liked the drink; we were kindred sprits for sure).
Sadly though, this year I didn’t put up the alter….I didn’t even put out my Halloween decorations. I find myself still in this state of emptiness trying like hell to fake being better long enough that I can even convince myself of it….I’m sorry Aunt Claire for dropping the ball this year…but please know that I still will be thinking of you…wishing I could see you again…cuz in the words of Carly Simon, “It would be so fine to see your face at my door.” I miss you lady!
So far away; Doesn’t anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door;
Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away;
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood;
Holding you again could only do me good;
How I wish I could, but you’re so far away
One more song about movin’ along the highway;
Can’t say much of anything that’s new;
If I could only work this life out my way;
I’d rather spend it bein’ close to you;
But you’re so far away, doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door;
Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away
Yay-uh-ay-eee; Oh, so far away
Travelin’ around sure gets me down and lonely;
Nothin’ else to do but close my mind;
I sure hope the road don’t come to own me;
Yet so many dreams I’ve yet to find;
But you’re so far away, doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door;
And it doesn’t help to know you’re so far away
So check it…I’m not only posting on this site twice in one week but in two consecutive days! Think that might be a record…certainly not something I plan to make a habit of, but I felt the desire to do it today cuz I had such an awesome run last night. Sunday was kinda shitty cuz I only did two miles and was not feeling it at all…I was bummed with myself cuz it seemed like I was starting to give up again. I had only run twice the week before and then Sunday was so hard I felt defeated…BUT, I was determined to do at least 4 last night to make up for lack of miles on Sunday and I ended up doing 5.25. It was the perfect fall night…cool, windy and by the time I got out there, most of the tourist were done for the day.
Side note: I frigg’n hate DC tourists….i know, they are a necessary evil for this city and I have been a tourist in many cities myself but when I travel, I try really hard not to be a complete douche bag and try to respect the fact that people actually live in the cities that I visit…these ass hats do not seem to reciprocate the same courtesy…the one thing that really sends me over the edge is when they don’t abide by simple cross walk rules…trying to drive in DC is a bit like playing GTA to begin with…when you add a bunch of dumbass tourists into the mix it makes it nearly impossible to get to work without killing someone….anyway, I digress.
Yeah…so my run last night was just so awesome….i didn’t have to pick up BB4 cuz she was with her dad, it was just me all night…I had all the time in the world to run and enjoy the city….it could not have been any more perfect..the leaves are all turning here in DC and as the wind blew it almost looked as if it was snowing big flakes of gold and red and brown…so so cool. Here are some pics I took along the way…
In the end, I was so happy and feeling so good. It just all made me realize, that for right now…this is all I need to keep me occupied as I sort out what’s next for me.
Till next time my little violets…keep on keep’n on.